oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
