I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize