You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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