matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize