Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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