I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
