He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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