He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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