Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
