She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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