dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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