He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My apartment stinks of burning failure
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
