i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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