I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
