awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
