lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
