I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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