i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
