And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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