in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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