Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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