Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
