If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
