Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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