I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My pussy is not your playground.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
