Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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