Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
