My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I could make wine with my vomit
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
