Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize