His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
