glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
someone owes me an orgasm
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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