You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
