I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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