Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
