how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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