I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
