It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
