I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize