before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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