I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
