we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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