Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
