i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
