That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
