there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
