The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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