i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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