I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
