walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
