last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize