He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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