No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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