I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
