Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
