he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
