Redeem this text for a blowjob
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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