i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
