take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
