Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
