I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
