before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
