i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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