dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
