All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
