Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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