foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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