Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
